An Open Letter

Nov. 19, 2012. 1:38PM.

Christopher,

Hi. I wasn’t planning on writing a letter, actually, so I don’t know the point of this. I’ll just be randomly writing stuff, I hope you’ll be able to comprehend.

This will most likely be the last thing you will get from me after we talk tomorrow. The past months made me realize that I need to accept things for what they truly are — you are no longer mine and I am no longer yours. It was so hard to put that into words, let alone to say it out loud because it makes it seem more real. I was wrong when I said I wanted to forget about everything. I don’t want to erase any memory of you that I have. I simply want to accept. Accept that things between us will never be the same. And though I have started to do so, I admit it’s been hard. How do you get over more than two years of being happily in love? Whenever I see the places we’ve been to, encounter things we used to talk about, things we used to dream about, plans we’ve made together — it still stings. It was you and me but now it’s just me. It’s not easy to tell my brain and my heart to get used to being just Daniella and no more Christopher. Most nights are getting better but some still long for you and our talks.

If you’re wondering how I really have been since I last saw you, I don’t think I’m the same person anymore. Yes, I miss you and I still think about you and you’re still special to me and I care more than you’ll ever know, more than anyone else will understand. But I got tired of crying, of trying to hold on to only the memories. I am nothing special to you anymore and I finally realized that. Promises can really be broken, plans erased and a person that used to catch me whenever I needed someone just disappeared. Once I’ve accepted that, days were increasingly bearable and happier but the nights were more of an on and off idea but it’s okay. I know it’s something I need to go through by myself.

I’m in no hurry to replace you. Actually, no one can replace you. You’ll always be my one and only college sweetheart. You taught me so many things about myself, about relationships and about love. You made me blissfully happy, all 26 months and the months leading to May 28, 2010. Thank you for making me feel special, for being there when I’m unbearable, for understanding even when it hurts. Thank you for letting me love your family as well, especially your mom who became mine for awhile as well. Thank you for two memorable birthdays and two amazing Valentines. Thank you for all the breakfast, lunch, dinner dates, the simple surprises you did to see me, random sweet texts and videos, recordings. Thank you for your stolen kisses, warm and tight hugs, restful naps sleeping beside each other. All the Skype conversations, late at night phone calls, music making, playing and getting to know my family, attending my concerts even when you don’t want to. John Mayer — thanks for bringing me to my very first legit concert. Thank you for teaching me how to love completely and deeply.

I can still remember that sweet, adorable, smart (ass), weird yet mababaw, eccentric Christopher I first met. And although so many things have changed, I know someone else will find those same qualities and will cherish them even more.

I don’t know what will happen to us in the future. Lets see. After today, please don’t contact me anymore, not even to like my tweets. If you need anything from me, you can contact Gaby. Please be strong for me as well — it’s going to be better in the long run. I need to get used to not being with you anymore and I hope you respect that.

Know that no matter what happens, I’ll always be thinking of you. Always take care. Stay happy. I want to see you smile again the next time I see you, the smile I taught you 🙂

I’ll miss you.

Daniella.

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One thought on “An Open Letter”

  1. Very powerful writing. Ever thought of writing professionally?
    “Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”
    “We are not the same person exiting the palace as we were entering” (proverb)
    Only with time will the value of your experience be fully appreciated by you.
    T

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